"It saved me from toxicity, hypocrisy, and the danger of fake friendships. Trying to save Ukraine, I was being rescued myself." Darya these are hard lessons you go through. You found yourself and you found out about fake friends. People that talk but don't walk with you. It's better that the fake friends are gone. One day we will be grateful for the end of this marathon. We have to believe that we will get to that finish line. Ukraine is that important to us. I am not Ukrainian and don't have a direct connection to Ukraine but I will not waver in my support for Ukraine. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about Ukraine and all the suffering that goes on in Ukraine. I won't look away.
You are right that this war is about the whole world and humanity and democracy. putin must end. ruzzia must be defeated soundly. This is the only way the world we want, can live. I am greatful for all the Ukrainians and all the supporters that keep helping Ukraine. We can not break or allow ruzzia to to break our alliance. It's good to speak your heart.
I also can't live with myself if I look away. Generations of my family have fought for the freedoms Americans now take for granted, including in our very first fight against the strongest army in the world at the time. I won't shirk my duty to continue that tradition, but it's also so much more than that. I've had multiple Ukrainians now tell me I have a Ukrainian soul and I can't think of any greater compliment anyone could pay me.
Beyond the horrors of Ukraine, the inabilty of most of the leaders of the Free World to recognize or acknowledge the aggression of Muscovy on The West and the real threat to the foundations of our democracies has been one of the great disappointments of the last 2.5 years. Democracies on the whole have risen to do the bare minimum--with notable exceptions from those closest to the threat--to avoid defeat while Ruzzia continues to wage hot and cold wars from Ukraine to Syria to Gaza to the Red Sea shipping lanes to the weaponization of migrants to the waves of sabotage attacks by russians across Western Europe, to the destabilization of faith in elections and institutions. Unless this changes, not recognizing the need to defeat ruzzia will be--along with the blood of the innocent--the lasting tragedy from this period.
Yeah. It's too easy to succumb to ignorance is bliss. To ignore the pain of others to protect oneself.
I will not ignore Ukraine. I cannot do that. I couldn't live with myself if I did.
I'm now finding I'm losing friends over a different (but distantly related) issue, people I'm associated with who, I now worry, I can no longer trust their perspective on the world. And it isn't a small handful. It makes me very sad, because there's nothing I can do about it.
And yes. This is a marathon, not a sprint. And I'm not going anywhere.
I’m sorry to hear about your friends. It’s something I went through and continue to go through to this day. You put it so well: “I worry that I can no longer trust the perspective of the world of people I am associated with.” Another way to look at it is that this situation shows your growth, depth, heart, and critical thinking—which is a good thing.
Yeah, I have been realising that. That, as always, I walk my own path in life... I couldn't do anything less. Something I'm thinking quite a lot about at the moment is how I process information. Because it's something I've wondered about for many years. Critical thinking is something I do instinctively, and I may finally have enough understanding to explain what I do automatically.
Thank you for your poignant letter about the third year of the war. My experience is similar to yours, in that I have a partner who has been chronically ill for six years, culminating with a heart transplant with many complications, surgeries, near deaths and months in hospital. You do find out who your friends are, who is willing to show up, but also how their trauma informs what their capacity is for compassion and walking the mile with you. Some are constitutionally incapable, as they say. What it has taught me is to have compassion for the hidden wounds and trauma that friends and family have when it comes to help carrying such a heavy burden as war or chronic illness. It's easy to feel enraged. But when I dug deeper, I realized that most of them were going through their own trials, and most of them (not all) were doing the best they could. The second thing is that people do NOT know how to deal with death: their own, their relatives, their friends, or war's heavy toll. We don't talk about death enough in our western cultures, and we pay for not talking about it - the elephant in the room. They don't want to see death and destruction, who does? But sometimes we have to look death in the eye, get familiar with it, because we have such an intimate relationship with it, and yet we pretend it doesn't exist. People can only do what they do, Darya, and warriors like you are rare, my dear. Know that we love you from afar, without having met you, and we are here to help carry the burden with you. It is excruciatingly painful, the loss of life, the violence, the war crimes. Too much to bear alone. Please continue to express yourself through your beautiful essays and poetry; it helps us to stay sane to share with the world what we are going through. I have deep admiration and appreciation for you. Stay strong, stay focused. Keep up the good works.
Dear Lydia, thank you so much for your moving words of support and understanding. I'm sorry to hear about the chronic illness that your partner has been battling all these years. I wish with all my heart that they keep fighting and feel better!
I understand what you mean about friends and family who have their own traumas and problems that prevent them from showing the compassion and support we expect them to show. On the one hand, I see it and acknowledge their traumas and struggles, on the other hand, as I was always there for them despite going through no less and even more difficult times, I expected them to be there for me, too. As much as I understand the underlying reasons for their behavior, I think I'm still angry at them and deeply hurt by what they did or didn't do.
I completely agree with you about death and the fear that our society has for it. I read a lot about it after the death of a close family member and came to the same conclusions as you. I agree that it is one of the reasons why people avoid following the news or staying in touch with those who are affected by war in one way or another. Thank you again for your kind words. Your comment touched my heart and made me feel seen.
Yes, and you’re allowed to be angry with them. We are all responsible for our behavior in the end. I’m still angry at some people too. I get it. Believe me. We just have to be careful that we don’t hurt ourselves in the process, right? Tricky to balance all of this! That’s why they call it “complex grief.” It’s very complex and complicated.
"It saved me from toxicity, hypocrisy, and the danger of fake friendships. Trying to save Ukraine, I was being rescued myself." Darya these are hard lessons you go through. You found yourself and you found out about fake friends. People that talk but don't walk with you. It's better that the fake friends are gone. One day we will be grateful for the end of this marathon. We have to believe that we will get to that finish line. Ukraine is that important to us. I am not Ukrainian and don't have a direct connection to Ukraine but I will not waver in my support for Ukraine. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about Ukraine and all the suffering that goes on in Ukraine. I won't look away.
You are right that this war is about the whole world and humanity and democracy. putin must end. ruzzia must be defeated soundly. This is the only way the world we want, can live. I am greatful for all the Ukrainians and all the supporters that keep helping Ukraine. We can not break or allow ruzzia to to break our alliance. It's good to speak your heart.
Thank you for your kind words and support, Sonia! Knowing that there are people like you in this world brings so much hope! ❤️
I feel so much The same, i can't imagine any other way than giving my best to support Ukrainians
Thank you, Phil! 🙏
“ I can’t reach their hearts,
but I can keep mine wide open.”
Profoundly beautiful. Well done. 💙
Thank you, Melody!
Thank you! Your writing heals my heart. ❤️
I also can't live with myself if I look away. Generations of my family have fought for the freedoms Americans now take for granted, including in our very first fight against the strongest army in the world at the time. I won't shirk my duty to continue that tradition, but it's also so much more than that. I've had multiple Ukrainians now tell me I have a Ukrainian soul and I can't think of any greater compliment anyone could pay me.
Thank you for your support, Rachel, and for not looking away! ❤️
Beyond the horrors of Ukraine, the inabilty of most of the leaders of the Free World to recognize or acknowledge the aggression of Muscovy on The West and the real threat to the foundations of our democracies has been one of the great disappointments of the last 2.5 years. Democracies on the whole have risen to do the bare minimum--with notable exceptions from those closest to the threat--to avoid defeat while Ruzzia continues to wage hot and cold wars from Ukraine to Syria to Gaza to the Red Sea shipping lanes to the weaponization of migrants to the waves of sabotage attacks by russians across Western Europe, to the destabilization of faith in elections and institutions. Unless this changes, not recognizing the need to defeat ruzzia will be--along with the blood of the innocent--the lasting tragedy from this period.
I completely agree with you, Mark. The disappointment is huge, but also the fear of what the future will look like if all of this continues to happen.
My favourite of all your poems so far Darya, it really struck a chord with me ❤️
Thank you, Tanya! ❤️
Yeah. It's too easy to succumb to ignorance is bliss. To ignore the pain of others to protect oneself.
I will not ignore Ukraine. I cannot do that. I couldn't live with myself if I did.
I'm now finding I'm losing friends over a different (but distantly related) issue, people I'm associated with who, I now worry, I can no longer trust their perspective on the world. And it isn't a small handful. It makes me very sad, because there's nothing I can do about it.
And yes. This is a marathon, not a sprint. And I'm not going anywhere.
I’m sorry to hear about your friends. It’s something I went through and continue to go through to this day. You put it so well: “I worry that I can no longer trust the perspective of the world of people I am associated with.” Another way to look at it is that this situation shows your growth, depth, heart, and critical thinking—which is a good thing.
Thanks.
Yeah, I have been realising that. That, as always, I walk my own path in life... I couldn't do anything less. Something I'm thinking quite a lot about at the moment is how I process information. Because it's something I've wondered about for many years. Critical thinking is something I do instinctively, and I may finally have enough understanding to explain what I do automatically.
Thank you for your poignant letter about the third year of the war. My experience is similar to yours, in that I have a partner who has been chronically ill for six years, culminating with a heart transplant with many complications, surgeries, near deaths and months in hospital. You do find out who your friends are, who is willing to show up, but also how their trauma informs what their capacity is for compassion and walking the mile with you. Some are constitutionally incapable, as they say. What it has taught me is to have compassion for the hidden wounds and trauma that friends and family have when it comes to help carrying such a heavy burden as war or chronic illness. It's easy to feel enraged. But when I dug deeper, I realized that most of them were going through their own trials, and most of them (not all) were doing the best they could. The second thing is that people do NOT know how to deal with death: their own, their relatives, their friends, or war's heavy toll. We don't talk about death enough in our western cultures, and we pay for not talking about it - the elephant in the room. They don't want to see death and destruction, who does? But sometimes we have to look death in the eye, get familiar with it, because we have such an intimate relationship with it, and yet we pretend it doesn't exist. People can only do what they do, Darya, and warriors like you are rare, my dear. Know that we love you from afar, without having met you, and we are here to help carry the burden with you. It is excruciatingly painful, the loss of life, the violence, the war crimes. Too much to bear alone. Please continue to express yourself through your beautiful essays and poetry; it helps us to stay sane to share with the world what we are going through. I have deep admiration and appreciation for you. Stay strong, stay focused. Keep up the good works.
Dear Lydia, thank you so much for your moving words of support and understanding. I'm sorry to hear about the chronic illness that your partner has been battling all these years. I wish with all my heart that they keep fighting and feel better!
I understand what you mean about friends and family who have their own traumas and problems that prevent them from showing the compassion and support we expect them to show. On the one hand, I see it and acknowledge their traumas and struggles, on the other hand, as I was always there for them despite going through no less and even more difficult times, I expected them to be there for me, too. As much as I understand the underlying reasons for their behavior, I think I'm still angry at them and deeply hurt by what they did or didn't do.
I completely agree with you about death and the fear that our society has for it. I read a lot about it after the death of a close family member and came to the same conclusions as you. I agree that it is one of the reasons why people avoid following the news or staying in touch with those who are affected by war in one way or another. Thank you again for your kind words. Your comment touched my heart and made me feel seen.
Yes, and you’re allowed to be angry with them. We are all responsible for our behavior in the end. I’m still angry at some people too. I get it. Believe me. We just have to be careful that we don’t hurt ourselves in the process, right? Tricky to balance all of this! That’s why they call it “complex grief.” It’s very complex and complicated.