The only way out is through
Why appeasing and surrendering to the abuser won’t bring peace.
A notion that Ukraine should give up its territories to Russians in exchange for “peace” has been circulating in the media since the first day of the Russian invasion. However, this summer, I’ve seen it as often as never before. It’s been repeated by government officials, military experts, politicians, journalists, bloggers, and ordinary people. I saw countless articles and posts online that pushed the narrative of Ukraine giving up its territories to Russia and agreeing to peace on Russia’s terms. Some tried to make it look like it was in Ukraine’s best interests, some openly wrote that the world grew tired of the war, and Ukrainian resistance became an inconvenience. Instead of writing about how to help Ukraine win, people write that we need to make Ukraine lose. It frustrates and terrifies me at the same time.
Last year, I read a phrase, “The only way out is through,” and I instantly thought that Ukrainians subconsciously know it about this war. Ukrainians know that surrender won’t bring peace – only more terror. Any victim of abuse will tell you that appeasement doesn’t work; instead, it prolongs and encourages more abuse. Anyone who has ever dealt with abusers knows that when an abuser promises not to hurt you anymore, it’s a lie – they will hurt you and often even worse than before. Ukrainians, who have been subjected to Russian abuse for years, know it better than anyone. They know that giving up territories won’t lessen Russia's appetite. On the contrary, Russians will come for more, and the war will return. Ukrainians know that fighting and resisting is the only way to stop Russian aggression. They understand that this is the only way out of the war – the only way out is through.
Ukrainians keep explaining and repeating it every day, yet so many people still don’t get it. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I came to the conclusion that those who can’t understand are those who didn’t suffer from Russia. That’s why people from Western countries need repeated explanations, while Eastern Europeans understand everything without words.
Centuries of oppression taught people in Eastern Europe how to fight and survive. As I began to research the history of my Belarusian and my husband’s Ukrainian families, I started to see one similarity – our families consist of survivors. Our ancestors survived wars, hunger, Soviet repression, and occupation. Many of our family members lost their lives tragically and too soon, while others survived despite everything.
The more I talk to people from other Eastern European countries, the more I see that this is what unites us – being survivors. As one of my Polish friends said: “We are the children of those whom they didn’t manage to put into mass graves.” “They” – the occupiers, the Soviets, the Russians. We are the children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren of survivors. We are survivors, too. That’s why Eastern Europeans don’t tell Ukrainians to give up territories or surrender for “peace” – because we survived the same abuse, we know the abuser very well, and we understand where appeasement and weakness lead. I wish more people could realize it, too.
Surrender to Russia means death – literally and figuratively. It means unstoppable and uncontrollable crimes, torture, and every possible human rights violation. Look at what happened in countless Ukrainian towns and villages under Russian occupation: Bucha, Irpin, Borodyanka, Chernihiv, Kherson, Mariupol. It should tell you everything about what Russian occupation means. It is also known that Russians built dozens of prisons on the Ukrainian territory they have occupied since 2014: Crimea, Donetsk, and Luhansk. Russians illegally keep and torture thousands of Ukrainians there. Everyone who pushes Ukraine to give up its territories is leaving Ukrainians trapped there to die and allowing Russians to continue torture and all possible crimes. What may sound like peace for an observer who lives in a democratic and safe country sounds like a death sentence to those who live on Russian-occupied lands.
Surrender to Russia also means death to your culture, language, history, and your identity. As a Belarusian, I know it very well. In Belarus, every aspect of life is Russified, and history is rewritten in favor of Russia. The archives with true history are either classified or destroyed. People are offered a dull, distorted, and censored version of everything Belarusian and an exaggerated, glorified version of everything connected to Russia and the Soviet Union. Belarusian language and culture exist mostly thanks to the efforts of the Belarusian diaspora abroad. I don’t want it to happen to Ukraine because I know what it feels like – it’s a lifeless place filled with fear, hypocrisy, and lies.
I want everyone to understand that offering Ukraine to surrender and give up territories to Russia means offering Ukrainians to sacrifice themselves, everyone, and everything they love. Every single person who continues to push this narrative into politics, media, or social media is offering Ukrainians to choose death. But Ukraine won’t surrender because Ukrainians want to live.
Warmly,
Darya
Email: daryazorka@substack.com
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It’s such a nightmare. I can’t begin to imagine what Eastern Europeans have experienced in the not so distant past, and for many in the present. But I do understand that giving in to Russia is not an option.
I completely agree. I also suspect that the people calling for Ukraine to surrender land are in many case Russian assets, like Orban, and that such suggestions are really a sign that the war is going poorly for Russia, so they try to influence with their propaganda in countries that support Ukraine.