I follow you on Twitter where I appreciate every one of your threads and I have recently subscribed to your newsletter as well. I thank you very much for this essay. World must know and learn about russian colonialism and imperialism. You have written a very intimate, strong and important essay. Everyone should read these words "from Darya Zorka’s heart" with an open heart and mind to understand the truth and danger about Russia. After February 24, 2022, and all the horrors that bloody day brought, I can understand very well how you see Russia everywhere you go and why you don’t want to see it anymore. Слава Україні! Жыве Беларусь!
Thank you for that insightful essay. I can’t imagine just how triggering and stressful it is to constantly be coming up against such callousness, tone deafness and behavior policing.
And I don’t know how you were able to look through all that war footage! Years ago I worked on a couple of murder cases for the local public defender and had to transcribe 911 calls and such. I had nightmares for months, and that was only for 2 cases. I loved the PD, but when he talked about how “we” were going to win these cases--reminder, he was defending the perpetrators-- it turned my stomach. So, in a very tiny way, I feel your pain.
I wish we were sending 🇺🇦 everything they ask for, with no hesitation and no delays so that the invaders can be ousted and the country can start to heal her people, animals and land.
Thank you for your kind words of support, Judi! I love how you said: "so the country can start to heal people, animals, and land." As with any trauma, we first need the cause of the trauma to go away, then we need to regain our energy, and only then the healing process will start. Ukrainians (and others) cannot heal from the horrors and consequences of Russian aggression until it is stopped once and for all.
I’ve imagined once 🇷🇺 is completely cleared out that 🇺🇦 would have a National week of sleep and celebrating. I know there’s too much to be done for that to happen, but that’s one of the things I wish for 🇺🇦💙💛
Aug 14, 2023·edited Aug 15, 2023Liked by Darya Zorka
Profound and well written essay.
Yesterday, I was watching a you tube video about Anton Chekov. Before the "invasion", I would've after watching the video dived into reading some of his literary works. But, I wonder, would there have been a "Chekov" without an imperialistic Russia. Of course, most of the classic works of art, literature and music were possible because of mass exploitation of peoples. England furiously taxed salt in India, and introduced opium into China in the 1800's. In the fall, there will be a movie called "Killers of the Flower Moon" and it is thesis is about how greed can become completely institutionalized and how it made so many people indifferent toward the murder of probably over 200 Osage Indians in 1920's OK..
I think this war is different though because the west made promises that it did not keep, and unlike the past the consequences of those broken promises are making a profound impression (because of the potential use of nuclear weapons) and likely newly sensibilities will rise and there will be future battles over the shape of those sensibilities.
For myself, I can't bring myself to learn about Chekov because I hate Russia. I have problems believing that it will become as apologetic as Germany (after WWII) about its role in this war. From what I can tell, they don't even admit the existence of the Ribbentrop-Molotov pact.
And, besides, thanks to the essays, such as yours, I am becoming more aware of Russia has been slowly co-opting the media, and international bodies.
It's a complicated topic. For myself, I'm done with Russia. No Chekov, no Shostakovich, and no more Rachmaninoff, and I used to really like his 2nd piano concerto. Even if Putin died suddenly, and Russia changed course for a generation. It seems they always like cicadas erupt out of no-where and over-run some land with ancient like bloodlust.
Thank you for your feedback and support, David! I have little hopes that I'll see the change in Russia and Russian society during my lifetime as well. They have a very long way to go and it seems that refuse even to start.
I read a news item today that reminded me of your last essay. Apparently, the band "The Killers" invited a russian drummer to play for them at a concert in Georgia. Instead of reading the crowd's boo's, the lead singer berated the audience for not showing brotherly love. I used to like the Killers, but f them now...forever. Makes me wonder though about how such a thing could happen, except like in many businesses, middle management people often surround themselves with people who tell them what they want to hear, instead of what they should hear. Surely, somebody in the band's touring company would've understood how stupid an idea it was...especially in Georgia....
Being a Russian historian is really hard right now. Yet I also take comfort in the fact I've always approached it with what I've discovered is a deep awareness of the violence holding up the beautiful veneer of the late tsarist era. That's been my biggest focus, followed by a deep interest in the city of St. Petersburg. I thought everyone else who loved Russian history approached it with the same deep awareness of that violent foundation but it's been a little shocking to discover just how wrong I was in that thought.
I see the beautiful things that have been produced. But I've never stopped at the beauty and I never will. I'll always love Tchaikovsky and the Russian approach to ballet and I do think Tolstoy was a master wordsmith. However, I refuse to stop at the beautiful veneer. I peel it back and dig into what's under it. Always have, always will. Underneath that beauty is so much pain and violence and heartache and utter despair. And I can't read Tolstoy without wondering how many Ukrainian or Belarusian or Qazaq or Georgian or Armenian Tolstoy equivalents Russia killed before they found their genius.
My mom asked me last week after I gave her the latest genocide update why do I love Russia so much. My first answer was it's fascinating. Because it is. I'm constantly challenged with how I understand things and always having to stretch my thinking and turn the pieces around and I LOVE doing that. It feeds my soul. But then I thought about it some more and expanded my answer. Despite all the horror I see unfolding every day, this girl who doesn't find that compassion comes naturally, still has a deep well of compassion for the everyday Russian. I only have one answer for that. It's through my faith. God gave it to me. He put me on the path I'm on to be here at this moment with a deep enough knowledge to see through the lies, to know how to fight back, to lift Ukrainian voices over Russian ones, and to be there when it's over and the Russian people have a chance to grapple with their own heinous sins and find a different path.
I'm finding the perspectives I always knew instinctively were missing in the Western approach to Russian history. I have no plans to let go of those voices and stories, because they matter. They matter so much. I refuse to be yet another Russian historian who diminishes and dismisses the pain of those Russia has tried to erase from existence. Because that anger directed at other peoples and nations is a deep part of who and what Russia is. You can't truly understand one without the other.
I see your pain, Darya. Personal and generational. And I'm so grateful you're willing to share it with us so we can understand just a tiny bit what you've been through and how we need to move forward to help address it so you can heal. Both you personally and the millions of other families Russia has hurt for the last 600 years.
I grew up studying and consuming Russian culture from a very young age. I read pretty much all Russian classical literature, knew by heart many poems, and listened to and played Russian classical music. However, personally, all of its beauty and value became forever overshadowed by Russian crimes, Russian imperialism, and colonialism. The more I learn about killed, censored, and silenced Ukrainian and Belarusian artists (writers, musicians, etc.), the more I see how ordinary Russians hide behind their culture ("Yes, we started so many wars and killed so many people, but we gave Tolstoy, Tchaikovsky to the world!"), the less desire I have to deal with anything Russian at all. I know that people not directly affected by Russian colonialism and aggression may think that my experience blinds me from appreciating what good Russian culture can offer. However, I believe that my experience helps me to better see through it and don't fall for the same lies.
I respect your opinion and appreciate your stance on amplifying Ukrainian voices instead of promoting and blindly adoring Russian culture, as many people in your professional area do. Thank you.
Your experiences don't blind you at all. I hate that line of reasoning because it's so patronizing and false. Your experiences make you uniquely qualified to talk about it. I can't separate Russian culture from the underlying violence and despair I mentioned. It turns things into a caricature and a parody and makes it acceptable for people to tell you your pain blinds you to reality. Because if they had spent time in the pain underneath all of that, they'd see Russia for what it truly is--a bringer of pain and suffering to everyone who encounters it. I'm a domestic abuse survivor too. I see the same dynamics at play in the Russian empire as I lived through in my own brief marriage.
Colonialism is abuse, and I've started to write an essay about it, but the similarities and parallels became too painful since I'm a survivor of abuse as well. For now, I let that essay aside. I'm sorry you went through relationship abuse, and I'm happy you are out of that relationship. I hope you are healed or on the way to healing!
I'm more than a decade out from it happening so I'm doing great nearly all the time. Haven't had serious issues in years. Just the occasional reminder. Which I recognize immediately and take steps to counteract. I also wrote my way through it in a novel and ended up vicariously eliminating him from existence. It was very cathartic.
I follow you on Twitter where I appreciate every one of your threads and I have recently subscribed to your newsletter as well. I thank you very much for this essay. World must know and learn about russian colonialism and imperialism. You have written a very intimate, strong and important essay. Everyone should read these words "from Darya Zorka’s heart" with an open heart and mind to understand the truth and danger about Russia. After February 24, 2022, and all the horrors that bloody day brought, I can understand very well how you see Russia everywhere you go and why you don’t want to see it anymore. Слава Україні! Жыве Беларусь!
Thank you so much for your kind words and feedback, Michele! Your comment warmed my heart.
Thank you for that insightful essay. I can’t imagine just how triggering and stressful it is to constantly be coming up against such callousness, tone deafness and behavior policing.
And I don’t know how you were able to look through all that war footage! Years ago I worked on a couple of murder cases for the local public defender and had to transcribe 911 calls and such. I had nightmares for months, and that was only for 2 cases. I loved the PD, but when he talked about how “we” were going to win these cases--reminder, he was defending the perpetrators-- it turned my stomach. So, in a very tiny way, I feel your pain.
I wish we were sending 🇺🇦 everything they ask for, with no hesitation and no delays so that the invaders can be ousted and the country can start to heal her people, animals and land.
Thank you for your kind words of support, Judi! I love how you said: "so the country can start to heal people, animals, and land." As with any trauma, we first need the cause of the trauma to go away, then we need to regain our energy, and only then the healing process will start. Ukrainians (and others) cannot heal from the horrors and consequences of Russian aggression until it is stopped once and for all.
I’ve imagined once 🇷🇺 is completely cleared out that 🇺🇦 would have a National week of sleep and celebrating. I know there’s too much to be done for that to happen, but that’s one of the things I wish for 🇺🇦💙💛
Profound and well written essay.
Yesterday, I was watching a you tube video about Anton Chekov. Before the "invasion", I would've after watching the video dived into reading some of his literary works. But, I wonder, would there have been a "Chekov" without an imperialistic Russia. Of course, most of the classic works of art, literature and music were possible because of mass exploitation of peoples. England furiously taxed salt in India, and introduced opium into China in the 1800's. In the fall, there will be a movie called "Killers of the Flower Moon" and it is thesis is about how greed can become completely institutionalized and how it made so many people indifferent toward the murder of probably over 200 Osage Indians in 1920's OK..
I think this war is different though because the west made promises that it did not keep, and unlike the past the consequences of those broken promises are making a profound impression (because of the potential use of nuclear weapons) and likely newly sensibilities will rise and there will be future battles over the shape of those sensibilities.
For myself, I can't bring myself to learn about Chekov because I hate Russia. I have problems believing that it will become as apologetic as Germany (after WWII) about its role in this war. From what I can tell, they don't even admit the existence of the Ribbentrop-Molotov pact.
And, besides, thanks to the essays, such as yours, I am becoming more aware of Russia has been slowly co-opting the media, and international bodies.
It's a complicated topic. For myself, I'm done with Russia. No Chekov, no Shostakovich, and no more Rachmaninoff, and I used to really like his 2nd piano concerto. Even if Putin died suddenly, and Russia changed course for a generation. It seems they always like cicadas erupt out of no-where and over-run some land with ancient like bloodlust.
Thanks for sharing....
Thank you for your feedback and support, David! I have little hopes that I'll see the change in Russia and Russian society during my lifetime as well. They have a very long way to go and it seems that refuse even to start.
I read a news item today that reminded me of your last essay. Apparently, the band "The Killers" invited a russian drummer to play for them at a concert in Georgia. Instead of reading the crowd's boo's, the lead singer berated the audience for not showing brotherly love. I used to like the Killers, but f them now...forever. Makes me wonder though about how such a thing could happen, except like in many businesses, middle management people often surround themselves with people who tell them what they want to hear, instead of what they should hear. Surely, somebody in the band's touring company would've understood how stupid an idea it was...especially in Georgia....
I’ve also seen it and used to listen to their music (no more). Their response (“apology”) was also full of gaslighting and privilege.
Being a Russian historian is really hard right now. Yet I also take comfort in the fact I've always approached it with what I've discovered is a deep awareness of the violence holding up the beautiful veneer of the late tsarist era. That's been my biggest focus, followed by a deep interest in the city of St. Petersburg. I thought everyone else who loved Russian history approached it with the same deep awareness of that violent foundation but it's been a little shocking to discover just how wrong I was in that thought.
I see the beautiful things that have been produced. But I've never stopped at the beauty and I never will. I'll always love Tchaikovsky and the Russian approach to ballet and I do think Tolstoy was a master wordsmith. However, I refuse to stop at the beautiful veneer. I peel it back and dig into what's under it. Always have, always will. Underneath that beauty is so much pain and violence and heartache and utter despair. And I can't read Tolstoy without wondering how many Ukrainian or Belarusian or Qazaq or Georgian or Armenian Tolstoy equivalents Russia killed before they found their genius.
My mom asked me last week after I gave her the latest genocide update why do I love Russia so much. My first answer was it's fascinating. Because it is. I'm constantly challenged with how I understand things and always having to stretch my thinking and turn the pieces around and I LOVE doing that. It feeds my soul. But then I thought about it some more and expanded my answer. Despite all the horror I see unfolding every day, this girl who doesn't find that compassion comes naturally, still has a deep well of compassion for the everyday Russian. I only have one answer for that. It's through my faith. God gave it to me. He put me on the path I'm on to be here at this moment with a deep enough knowledge to see through the lies, to know how to fight back, to lift Ukrainian voices over Russian ones, and to be there when it's over and the Russian people have a chance to grapple with their own heinous sins and find a different path.
I'm finding the perspectives I always knew instinctively were missing in the Western approach to Russian history. I have no plans to let go of those voices and stories, because they matter. They matter so much. I refuse to be yet another Russian historian who diminishes and dismisses the pain of those Russia has tried to erase from existence. Because that anger directed at other peoples and nations is a deep part of who and what Russia is. You can't truly understand one without the other.
I see your pain, Darya. Personal and generational. And I'm so grateful you're willing to share it with us so we can understand just a tiny bit what you've been through and how we need to move forward to help address it so you can heal. Both you personally and the millions of other families Russia has hurt for the last 600 years.
I grew up studying and consuming Russian culture from a very young age. I read pretty much all Russian classical literature, knew by heart many poems, and listened to and played Russian classical music. However, personally, all of its beauty and value became forever overshadowed by Russian crimes, Russian imperialism, and colonialism. The more I learn about killed, censored, and silenced Ukrainian and Belarusian artists (writers, musicians, etc.), the more I see how ordinary Russians hide behind their culture ("Yes, we started so many wars and killed so many people, but we gave Tolstoy, Tchaikovsky to the world!"), the less desire I have to deal with anything Russian at all. I know that people not directly affected by Russian colonialism and aggression may think that my experience blinds me from appreciating what good Russian culture can offer. However, I believe that my experience helps me to better see through it and don't fall for the same lies.
I respect your opinion and appreciate your stance on amplifying Ukrainian voices instead of promoting and blindly adoring Russian culture, as many people in your professional area do. Thank you.
Your experiences don't blind you at all. I hate that line of reasoning because it's so patronizing and false. Your experiences make you uniquely qualified to talk about it. I can't separate Russian culture from the underlying violence and despair I mentioned. It turns things into a caricature and a parody and makes it acceptable for people to tell you your pain blinds you to reality. Because if they had spent time in the pain underneath all of that, they'd see Russia for what it truly is--a bringer of pain and suffering to everyone who encounters it. I'm a domestic abuse survivor too. I see the same dynamics at play in the Russian empire as I lived through in my own brief marriage.
Colonialism is abuse, and I've started to write an essay about it, but the similarities and parallels became too painful since I'm a survivor of abuse as well. For now, I let that essay aside. I'm sorry you went through relationship abuse, and I'm happy you are out of that relationship. I hope you are healed or on the way to healing!
I'm more than a decade out from it happening so I'm doing great nearly all the time. Haven't had serious issues in years. Just the occasional reminder. Which I recognize immediately and take steps to counteract. I also wrote my way through it in a novel and ended up vicariously eliminating him from existence. It was very cathartic.