Eastern Europeans
Reflections on trauma that affects every Eastern European and personal stories from my family.
When I write about Russian colonialism and Eastern European history, showing how much destruction, pain, and loss was brought to my native region, people often ask: How do Eastern Europeans live with such deep trauma that spans over generations? As I was thinking about it, I realized that, indeed, every Eastern European family is affected by it, but everyone manages the trauma differently.
Every generation in my Belarusian family was forced to start from scratch due to wars, oppression, and the change of the regimes. It severely affected their relationship with money. For example, my parents' motto became “to live in the moment because you never know what will happen tomorrow.” It meant that they never had savings, and everything earned was immediately spent. It went to such extremes that each payday, we had a celebration table full of delicious, expensive food, but later in the month, we didn’t have money for a loaf of bread. It forced my younger brother to start working in his teens so our family could make ends meet. The trauma of poverty and instability influenced my life choices as well. When I was 17, I chose to go to college to become an accountant because I thought that by earning this degree, I would always have a stable job and would never go hungry to bed. I never worked as an accountant a day in my life because I absolutely hated it. Later, when I moved to the U.S., I went to college to study art, as I always wanted.
The trauma of losing savings and belongings affects people differently. Some behave like my parents, some start compulsively saving money without ever spending it. For example, my uncle saves all his money for a rainy day, “a black day,” as it’s called in our culture. This obsession and fear cost him his marriage, friendship, and health. He constantly worries that a black day will come soon, but he doesn’t notice that he has been living in it his entire life.
When you constantly experience loss, some people become fatalists and don’t want to achieve anything in life because what’s the point if it is going to be taken away and all your achievements will be reversed? Other people become afraid of making decisions and acting. They live in denial and make themselves believe that everything will be fine, somehow, without doing anything. It results in passivity and immature behavior, negatively affecting everything and everyone around them.
Many people embrace the idea that having a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. They never take risks to get a better life, settle too early, and are afraid of trying something less predictable, which severely limits their lives. Other people risk everything. They think that if you are going to lose everything anyway, what’s the point of playing safe? Such mindset and behavior lead to harmful consequences as well.
Wealth, development, relationships, health – every area of life became affected by the trauma brought to Eastern Europeans by Russian colonialism, wars, and communism.
If you grew up in Eastern Europe, this trauma influences you no matter whether you understand it or not. I know that all of us want to get rid of it, and I think that Eastern European countries that joined NATO and received protection from Russian oppression are on the way to healing. However, no one can feel safe until all of us are safe. While Russians continue to wage a genocidal war in Ukraine, every ruined house, every atrocity, every death awakens a generational trauma of abuse and loss that each Eastern European carries inside.
The trauma affects people differently, and everyone does their best to overcome it. Some people have better support, some have to become supporters to others. However, what unites all of them is that no matter what, people continue to live. This perseverance and resilience, the ability to find joy, build families, hope, and dream, is the core of human nature, and while trauma affects it, it cannot take it away. I believe that the answer to the question about how Eastern Europeans continue to live despite enormous trauma brought by Russian oppression and betrayal of the allies — is because they don’t have another choice.
Last week, I shared the life story of a prominent Belarusian poet and activist, Larysa Hienijuš. I translated one of her poems into English and recorded myself reading the original poem in Belarusian. If you missed it, you can view it here:
Resistance and love – Larysa Hienijuš, a Belarusian poet you should know about
Every day, I’m learning and connecting with the Belarusian culture that I was robbed of growing up in Russified Belarus. For the past month, I’ve been reading Belarusian poetry and learning about Belarusian writers. Often, I can spend hours completely immersed in the words that speak to my heart with so much clarity and warmth of belonging that I can’t …
I also shared a delicious recipe for stuffed peppers from my Ukrainian mother-in-law. I photographed each step of the cooking process and wrote detailed instructions so you can receive the best results possible and try this tasty and comforting dish!
Stuffed peppers in homemade tomato sauce
Peppers of all kinds and colors flooded my local farmers market, and it’s a perfect time to share a recipe for stuffed peppers in homemade tomato sauce. This is the recipe of my Ukrainian mother-in-law, and it is so delicious! Filled with ground meat, rice, and vegetables and cooked soaked in tomato sauce on a slow heat, peppers become tender, and the whole dish develops amazing flavor! It is the best recipe for dinner and is versatile for big and small families.
Warmly,
Darya
Email: daryazorka@substack.com
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"Every generation in my Belarusian family was forced to start from scratch" - unfortunately, this is so true. "From scratch" is the right word choice here. I also describe it as a family tree with no branches, because they're constantly cut off and thrown away by whoever is in power.
I was born in the United States under a lucky constellation of stars: to parents who fled from advancing Soviet armies as Estonia fell in WWII as children with their families--exactly 80 years ago to the day in my mother's case; to grandparents who grew up in the independent Republic of Estonia. Some did not make it. A grandfather deported to Siberia leaving my father with only a hazy memory of one. Grand Uncles who were pressed into the fight on one side or the other. Grand Aunts and cousins who remained behind and endured the brutal Soviet regime which followed. We are grateful that Estonia and her neighbors are part of NATO's Eastern Flank, as that--as you write--has enabled some space to heal, but it only makes it more obvious that with russia as the disease (infecting the free world though its neighbors feel its cruelest blows), Ukrainian victory is the prescription.