Holidays during the war
Reflections on grief and joy.
It is the first week of December, and the holiday season is already in full swing. The shops are crowded, the houses in my town are illuminated with thousands of lights, and cars with Christmas trees tied to the roofs have filled the roads. Days became a mix of anxiety, excitement, planning for trips, and buying presents. It is a stark contrast to the war reality in Ukraine, where every day brings death and destruction. I try to balance the two realities as best as I can. One moment, I decorate the Christmas tree, the next moment, I answer questions about the fundraiser for Ukrainian frontlines that I’m holding. In the morning, I cry reading the news, and in the evening, I sing along to holiday songs while cooking dinner. If someone showed this to me in the pre-war past, I would probably say that I went crazy. However, in times like this, noticing good moments and experiencing joy is the only thing that keeps me sane.
In 2022, I wrote in my diary: “Don’t let this evil take your joy. It has already taken so much.” It’s the end of 2024, and the evil has taken even more and spread all over the world. I think the only way not to go numb is to allow ourselves to be happy and make good memories with our loved ones. This month, it means decorating a Christmas tree, cooking, watching cheesy movies, gifting and receiving presents, and spending time together.
The Russian invasion of Ukraine split my life into before and after. My husband’s family became refugees and fled their home. My friends went to war. My beloved cities are terrorized and mutilated by Russian missiles daily. My native country, Belarus, became an accomplice in the war crimes. At first, I was in shock, which changed into guilt, then anger, then disappointment, and then it mixed all together and settled as a permanent part of my heart – grief. Forever hurting and forever present. However, as I felt it in my chest, I noticed that there was something else. I looked closer and noticed joy. It wasn’t the joy I knew before – beaming, naive, and frail. The joy that came with grief was quiet, warm, and strong. I didn’t think it was possible to feel joy when there was so much pain around, but I was mistaken. It is not only possible. It is necessary. Joy protects us from the darkness and apathy that evil brings.
Let’s nurture joy in our hearts this holiday season, no matter how hard the times are, because joy is one of the ways of resistance.
Warmly,
Darya
Email: daryazorka@substack.com
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Darya, I've quoted part of your lovely essay in my Substack today. Thank you for writing it!
https://kcollins.substack.com/p/joy-to-the-world
Yeah, I hear you. Sorry that my reply was kind of tone def. I did not mean to say that there should be riots or war in Belarus. What I was getting at is the collapse of Russia and liberation of Belarus. I guess that your message of joy went over my head, too. And thank you for your explanation about grief. I find your writing about what all is going on to be helpful. And as for movies I was thinking about watching Die Hard. Haven’t seen it in years and 'tis the season. Thank you again and happy holidays to you and your family.